


Save Me If It's Worth Savin' me.

by LucilovesSamwholovesGabriel



Series: Broken Hearts [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Doctor Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hospital, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Military, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Solider Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-02-03 05:00:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1732079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucilovesSamwholovesGabriel/pseuds/LucilovesSamwholovesGabriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Angeles hasn't seen Dean Winchester in 13 years not since the night Dean walked out on him. Dean was his savior, the man who kept him from coasting through his life, and kept him from falling into his childhood trauma. 13 years later when Castiel takes a late shift at the hospital he meets Dean Winchester once again spurring his life back into action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Old Friends Come Up in Unexpected Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *fist pumps into the air* This story is now back in action! I have a beta for it as well (halasige), and I decided to re-do the entire story of what I had because I find it's heavily needed! Many similarities to the first version, but over all it's different. Thank you to all who are already subscribed and will continue to support me, I hope I don't let you guy's down.

_“Dean Winchester, I swear to God_ _,_ _if you leave right now, don’t you_ ever _come back.” Castiel_ _said as his_ _voice shook with desperation. They fought all the time, but never this bad._

 

 _Dean paused at the door, his shoulders rising quickly with barely controlled anger. “You don’t mean that_ _,_ _Cas.”_

 

 _Castiel filled with anger again. “Don’t you dare tell me what I mean_ _,_ _Dean! I can make my own decisions, and I’ve made up my mind. If you walk out that door, we’re done.”_

 

 _Dean’s head hung and his shoulders dropped in defeat. “I’m sorry, goodbye_ _,_ _Castiel.”_

 

Castiel awoke with a start, his head pounding. It had been 13 years since he last saw Dean Winchester, and he still has nightmares about the day that he walked out of his life. Castiel sighed and looked over at the clock. 3:00 in the morning, great. Castiel rolled out of his bed, padding across the hardwood floor towards the kitchen to make some coffee. His home phone shrilled to life suddenly, causing him to jump. Castiel sighed, he was so tired.

 

“Hello, this is Castiel speaking.” He said, picking up the phone.

 

“Clarence, how’ve you been? I’m sorry if I woke you, I need you to come in and pull another shift, if you can? The hospital is swamped,” Angela said quickly before barking orders to someone else.

 

Castiel rubbed his eyes before responding gruffly, “In the five hours it’s been since I’ve seen you, I’m still fine. I will be there soon.”

 

“You’re the best, Clarence,” she exclaimed in the sarcastic tone she used for everything.

 

“I do try,” he muttered before hanging up the phone. He grabbed his coffee, and headed towards the bathroom, staring at his reflection. He had dark circles under his eyes accenting his bright deep blue eyes, and his skin was painfully white, the veins in his skin showing. Castiel couldn’t remember the last time he had a full nights sleep. Castiel grabbed his assortment of drugs ranging to help him with his depression and the insistent pounding in his head.

 

He dressed quickly, and left his house in his 1967 Shelby Mustang, which was a gift from his brother, Lucas. His home was a gift from his brother Michael, and both the gifts were for graduating college and becoming a doctor. Sometimes, he was grateful for his sibling’s rivalry, as they felt they needed to outdo one another when giving gifts. Castiel smirked as he got behind the wheel when he thought of how much Dean would have loved his car, although, in Dean’s eyes, nothing was better than his baby, the 1967 Chevy Impala.

 

Castiel’s thoughts drifted to the Impala as he drove to work. He could clearly imagine the sleek black exterior and the shining rims. He could remember the feel of the metal against his skin as Dean pushed him up against the car, running his hands up against his skin. He could still feel the leather of the back seat against his back as Dean fucked him into oblivion.

 

“Stop,” Castiel growled to himself, pushing away his thoughts of Dean as he pulled into the parking lot for the hospital. Castiel climbed out of his car, quickly double checking that all of his doors were locked.

 

Thirteen years later, he still couldn’t forget what Dean had drilled into him.

 

“ _It doesn’t matter what kind of car you have, you make sure it’s locked and taken care of. You take care of her,_ _and_ _she’ll take care of you._ ”

 

Angela looked up as soon as Castiel approached her at the desk. “Some night, right?” He asked.

 

Angela huffed out a laugh. “You have no idea. Do you mind taking this one on right now, Clarence? I have ten other patients to check on.”

 

Castiel smiled. “No problem.”

 

He glanced over the file quickly as he headed towards the room number. Angela’s neat handwriting said the patient was male and had a broken arm, a couple scratches, and a few gashes that needed stitches.

 

As Castiel approached the room, a man’s yelling caught his attention.

“Don’t brush this off, Dean, you got in a car with someone drunk--and you know better! Ever since you came back from your last tour you’ve been a mess.”

 

Castiel slowed his pace looking down at the file in disappointment when it only had ‘Dean’ scrawled across the top of the file hastily. “I said its fine, Sam!” a deep voice growled back that struck Castiel as familiar.

 

“This is not fine, and you are not fine! You’re chasing after a Goddamn ghost, Dean!” Sam yelled back.

 

Castiel took a deep breath hoping like hell the names of the people inside were just a coincidence, and not exactly who he thought it was. Castiel strode into the room smiling as he said, “Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m here to--” Castiel voice died in his throat as stared back at a very tall Sam Winchester, and a very torn up Dean Winchester.

 

“Cas?” They both uttered simultaneously.

 

Castiel shook his head in disbelief and could feel himself slipping into his ‘coasting mode’, as Dean used to call it when Castiel just went through the motions. Castiel smiled brightly and moved on without missing another beat.

 

“Sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone else. So, Mr. Winchester, how are you feeling? Is the medication kicking in?”

 

They both kind of just stared at him with disbelieving eyes.

 

“Okay then, considering you both are not speaking, let’s get these gashes stitched up.”

 

He worked in silence, barely registering everything that was going on around him while he worked on Dean. When he finished the stitches, he smiled again. “The nurse should be in here again to check on you shortly.”

 

He turned on his heels heading out the door, and stopped in his tracks when he heard Dean call out to him, “Cas, you’re coasting again.”

 

A cruel smile slowly crept across his face as he turned back to Dean, relishing in the way both Dean and Sam flinched.

 

“I know. I have been for thirteen years, Dean, not that you care.”

 

He turned back around, and ran out of the room, his pulse quickening. That was Dean, _his_ Dean, the Dean that had haunted him for thirteen years. Castiel ran down the hall, ignoring Angela when she called out his name. He hit the button repeatedly, waiting for the elevator to arrive. It wasn’t fast enough.

 

“Cas, wait.” Sam Winchester’s hand landed on his shoulder, and his father's military training kicked in. He slammed his elbow back into Sam’s stomach, turning quickly and slamming his hand up into Sam’s nose. Castiel heard the crack, and then the shrieks from people around them.

 

Castiel’s eyes were wide in fear as he looked at Sam holding his face as blood poured out of his nose. He heard the door open to the elevator and backed up into it, hitting the button for the lobby.

 

Just before the doors closed, he could hear Sam say, “Cas, it’s okay, just stop running. Please.”

 

Even when the doors, closed Castiel continued to mutter, “I didn’t run away. He left. He left me. Oh God, Sam.” His vision was fading in and out and he couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs.

 

The elevator doors opened and he stumbled out, running towards the front doors when the dizziness overtook him and he watched everything fade to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fill free to leave comments and tell me what you think.


	2. Hypothermia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The man cleared his throat. “My name is Gabriel, I’ll be surprised if he ever mentioned me, but he’s my brother. I haven’t seen him since he was eighteen. He ran away, as far as I know he only kept in contact with Michael so he could go to school. Lucas was close to Castiel, so he found him not long after he disappeared. Both of my brothers wouldn’t tell Anna or I about where he went. They said that’s how he wanted it to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first few chapters of this fic may be fairly short, but I lengthen them as the plot thickens I promise. Shout out to Halasige my beta for helping me get this story back in motion, and I hope you all enjoy!

Castiel could feel someone shaking him, and he could hear his name being called out. He felt like he was drowning, looking up from underwater towards a light that was far away. He tried to reach for it, but his limbs felt _so_ heavy, and he couldn’t move. He slipped back into darkness again. Faint sounds reached his ears, but he couldn’t see anything. Eventually, even the sounds stopped coming.

 

Castiel didn’t know how long he lay in the darkness, but all he knew was that his body was on fire. He shivered, but his skin was burning. There was a bright light that flashed behind his eyelids, and he opened them, immediately regretting the decision as he closed them again once the bright lights pierced his eyes.

 

“Cas? Are you awake?” A man’s voice rang out.

 

“He doesn’t allow people to call him that. I could never understand why, his name is such a mouthful. Picked up on calling him Clarence, he doesn’t seem to mind that though, but call him Cas and it’s like he has a stick up his ass.” Angela’s voice called out.

 

“Sorry, we’ve called him that ever since he was a kid, his best friend came up with it. Ma’am, he just opened his eyes, is he waking up?”

 

“It’s not uncommon for people who are recovering from hypothermia to have limb movement like arm twitches or eyelids fluttering. It’s a good sign that he’s recovering. You’ve known Clarence since he was a kid?”

 

The man cleared his throat. “My name is Gabriel, I’ll be surprised if he ever mentioned me, but he’s my brother. I haven’t seen him since he was eighteen. He ran away, as far as I know he only kept in contact with Michael so he could go to school. Lucas was close to Castiel, so he found him not long after he disappeared. Both of my brothers wouldn’t tell Anna or I about where he went. They said that’s how he wanted it to be.”

 

Castiel froze, he must have been fairly bad if they called Gabriel.

 

“Well, you’re right, he never mentioned you before, but, he listed you as his emergency contact. How do you think he got your number to do that?”

 

Gabriel laughed. “All he would have to do is ask Michael for my number, coming up with some bullshit excuse on why he wants it. Castiel’s clever, and Michael has the complex that he needs to supply his brothers with everything they have ever asked for.”

 

“Why wouldn’t he want Michael as his emergency contact if Michael wants to provide everything for him?”

 

“Michael is a high paid lawyer and he draws a lot of attention. Before you ask, Lucas is an actor and he would also draw a lot of attention. Anna is a high paid model, so if she showed up, well you get the picture. My entire family would draw a lot of attention.”

 

“Well, you’re well-dressed, which would suggest you are well paid. Why won’t you draw a lot of attention?”

 

“I own several candy shops and bakeries. I’m fairly well off, but I won’t draw any attention. Doc, what the hell happened? I mean he’s a doctor, for Christ sake, there’s no reason for him staying out in the middle of December.”

 

Angela laughed. “I can’t tell you why he stayed out in the middle of December and found it reasonable to fall asleep on a park bench. But I can tell you that it probably had something to do with the last patient he visited.”

 

“What patient?”

 

“Dean Winchester.”

 

“Did you say Winchester?”

 

“Do you have a hearing problem? I just said he was treating Dean Winchester.”

 

“Is he still here?” Gabriel snarled.

 

Angela snorted. “Dean was in a car crash, we couldn’t just let him walk out of the door, and his brother Sam is here, too. Clarence has a great right hook and gave Sam a broken nose along with a bruised rib. We’re holding both of them overnight.”

 

“What room?” Gabriel hissed.

 

“Sir with all due respect, I don’t think it wise that you go talk to them.”

 

“Ever since Dean Winchester broke my brother’s heart--” Gabriel paused to calm himself down. “... Don’t tell me it’s not wise. Where is he?”

 

“Gabriel, calm down.” Castiel muttered. His voice cracked and he slowly opened his eyes.

 

Gabriel whipped around and looked at Castiel in shock. His honey dark blond hair was longer since the last time Castiel had seen him. It was pushed behind his ears and was well kept. His golden eyes burned with the mischief that had fueled him during his childhood. He was in a nice suit that he looked like he was dying to get out of.

 

“You look like hell, Cas.” Castiel flinched at the nick name.

 

“Gabriel, we don’t call me that anymore.” Castiel said as he held Gabriel’s gaze, daring him to say something.

 

“Cas… I mean, Castiel, what happened to you?”

 

“I blacked out.”

 

“You were lying on a park bench with hypothermia, Castiel! You’re a doctor, you shouldn’t have let yourself stay out that long, and in the middle of December to boot.”

 

Castiel gritted his teeth together. It wasn’t his fault. “I blacked out, Gabriel, I couldn’t have stopped it even if I had wanted to.”

 

“You blacked out all because you couldn’t handle seeing your ex?!” Gabriel yelled.

 

“Mr. Angeles, perhaps you should cool off outside. I’m sure Clarence here is very tired.” Angela suggested.

 

Gabriel nodded, letting out a sigh of defeat. “I’m going to go find a hotel. I’ll come see you in the morning, Castiel.”

 

When Gabriel left the room, Angela approached the bed, plopping down next to him.

 

“Sam Winchester would like to see you. I told him it was up to you on whether or not he gets to.”

 

Castiel sighed, rubbing his eyes and trying not to jostle the IV lodged into his skin. “Might as well. Knowing Sam Winchester he would find a way in here any way regardless to whether you told him no or not.”

 

Angela smirked and cocked an eyebrow. “Even if I locked the door?”

 

“Especially if you locked the door,” Castiel muttered. Angela chuckled, ruffling Castiel's hair, but she didn’t say anything.

 

Castiel shifted uncomfortably under all the heat, and glanced down at himself to see a bunch of heating blankets covering him. He heard footsteps approaching his bed, but he didn’t look up as he played with the frayed edges of the heating blanket. Castiel didn’t want to see Sam’s face reminding him of how he completely ran away from the brothers because he had felt like his world was crashing down on him.

 

“Hello, Sam.”

 

“If you’re worried about me pressing charges, I promise I wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

Castiel smirked at the attempt of humor. “I’m glad I’m not getting charged.”

 

Sam laughed, and an awkward silence settled into the room. Sam took a deep breath. “Cas, I’m sorry.”

 

“What are you sorry for, Sam?” Castiel asked, wincing at the nickname.

 

Castiel was completely stiff. He didn’t want Sam’s apologies, if anything, Castiel knew he should be apologizing to him.

 

“I shouldn’t have chased after you, and... I’m sorry that Dean walked away from you all those years ago.”

 

Castiel finally looked up at him, Sam’s words opening the old wounds and making them feel as if it had just happened yesterday. Sam always looked so hopeful and it hasn’t changed. His hazel eyes shown with the hope that Castiel could forgive him, but what Castiel couldn’t figure out was what he wanted to be forgiven for.

 

Sam’s hair has gotten long, much like Gabriel's had, but it was much longer than that. Gabriel’s had wave and finesse to it, where as Sam’s was just long towards the bottom of his neck, slipping out from behind his ears.

 

“Sam, he walked away. He made his decision, and your apology won’t change that.”

 

“But Castiel, you didn’t see him right after he walked away from you. He was falling apart, and keeping himself busy in the Marines was the only thing that kept him afloat. Whenever he got back from a tour, he’d become a mess again. They finally cut him off and gave him an honorable discharge and a purple heart. He won’t talk about it, and he keeps all his medals in the back of the closet under a bunch of old shoes.

 

“Cas, you’re as messed up as he is. I don’t think either of you have been the same since he walked away. Maybe if you just talk to one another…”

 

“No,” Castiel growled. “I gave him the choice to leave or stay, and he chose to leave. That is not my fault. He made his choice, and I swore to myself I would move on.”

 

Sam’s chest puffed with annoyance, giving Castiel a classic bitchface when he thought someone was being particularly stupid.

 

“Castiel, how has moving on worked for you? I know Dean hasn’t been with anyone since he was with you. How about you, has there been anyone else?”

 

Castiel looked away. He hadn’t been with anyone else. Girl or boy, they never felt right to him, or that they weren’t good enough. God knows, Castiel tried to move on, but every date he went on they either didn’t interest him, or they were too much like the one person he was trying to forget.

 

“I haven’t, but that doesn’t mean anything, Sam, I just prefer being alone.”

 

“You’re lying, I’m a lawyer for Christ sakes, I know when someone’s lying. You don’t like being alone, I remember you coming to our house at God awful hours in the morning crying and telling Dean over and over that ‘you didn’t want to be alone’.”

 

“Stop,” Castiel whispered.

 

“I remember the nights you were all bloody and tried to push Dean away, and he only held you tighter because of how afraid you truly were.”

 

“Please stop, Sam,” Castiel said again only this time louder.

 

“I also remember the nights it was other way around, and you were holding Dean after John had beaten him senseless. I remember you telling him you would never leave him.”

 

“I said _shut up_ _,_ _Samuel Winchester_ _!_ ” He screamed at the top of his lungs. His chest heaving as he threw off the heating blankets from his chest, feeling as if it was collapsing on him.

 

Sam looked so taken aback that he didn’t even protest when Angela hauled him out of the room. Castiel hadn’t even realized he was crying till Angela wiped the tears away with a tissue before pushing him back down carefully onto the bed.

 

“Get some rest, Castiel.”

 

He glanced up at her in in surprise when she used his real name, but didn’t protest, and just nodded as he slipped down further under the warming blankets, falling quickly asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know in the comments below!


	3. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's chest tightened painfully, and he placed his good hand gently on Castiel's shoulder. "It was the worst mistake of my life leaving you. I kept a picture of you, while I was in Iraq. You were my angel, there were so many times I should have died, but I always had you with me, and you saved me every time. The guy's would tease me about the angel that sat on my shoulder, well, when the ambush came, and they all almost died, I survived and kept most of them alive, with my angel still by my side."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whistles* So it's been a very long time since I've updated this fic. (so sorry) I've had an SPN Ace Mini Bang I've been working on and two of my other fics that have become more or less popular need my dire attention. Oh well, here I am with chapter. I hope you all enjoy it.

Dean shot straight up hearing Castiel’s voice scream for his brother to shut up. Dean cursed, ripping the IV out of his arm, and creeping out of the room trying not to be caught by the nurses fluttering around. They had Dean’s arms in a sling, and he knew one of the nurses would catch him and send him back to his room, but he had to find Castiel.

He found his brother standing outside a room, his face blank as this short, brown haired woman chewed him out. Dean crept closer to catch her words. “Who the hell do you even think you are? You don’t know what Castiel’s been through.”

“Ma’am I knew him as-”

“I don’t care when you knew him!” She hissed. “Clarence doesn’t exactly have all his marbles. He works himself to the bone with this job, and it’s the only damn thing holding him together. I’m trying to get him help, trying to get him better, and you and your brother come here and suddenly he’s the shaky, looking over his shoulder, scared Castiel from when I first met him! Now, do me a favor Moose, don’t visit Castiel ever again while your in this hospital.”

With that the short burnet stormed off. Dean walked up to his stunned brother, hitting his brothers arm with his good arm. “What the hell did you do to Cas?”

Sam jumped looking around quickly. “Dean, what the hell are you doing out of bed?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I heard Cas scream, I wasn’t just going to sit in my room and twiddle my thumbs waiting for you to get back.”

Sam shook his head in defeat, looking down at his feet. “I pressed him about trying to let you back into his life, I hate seeing you like this Dean, chasing after a God damn ghost, and you’ve found him. After all these years you’ve found him, and I just thought if I talked to him it would all be okay.”

Dean groaned tugging his hair with his hand. “God dammit Sam, you can’t just come onto Cas like that! He’s never responded well to someone trying to corner him like that and make him face the truth. Shit, especially about us Sam! You saw me, can you even imagine how he must have been? Shit.” Dean turned to the door looking into the room and seeing a sleeping Castiel, but he could see that the sleep was anything but restful.

Dean huffed. “Go back to the room, I’ll be there soon.”

Sam put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I don’t think you should go in there, what if he-”

“You don’t know him like I do Sam, go.” Dean muttered, his eyes never leaving Castiel’s restless form.

Sam sighed in defeat. “Yeah, yeah okay Dean. Just, be careful.”

“Always am,” Dean muttered as he slipped into the room walking straight to Castiel’s bed. Dean leaned against the side of it, cupping Castiel’s face gently. “Hey Castiel, wake up.” Dean rubbed his thumb side to side along Castiel’s cheekbone watching the younger man stir. “Come on Cas, wake up for me, you’re having a bad dream. Wakey, wakey Castiel.”

Castiel groaned muttering groggily, “Dean?”

Dean smiled. “Hey there Cas.”

Castiel froze, looking up at Dean in horror. “You’re real?”

Dean frowned. “Of course I’m real Cas.”

Castiel sighed, leaning back onto the bed, turning his face away from Dean and out of his hand. “What are you doing in here?”

Dean’s frown deepened as he looked down at his hands. “I heard you scream at my brother, couldn’t just sit there in my room and wonder. When I looked in here you looked like you normally do when you are about to have a bad dream. Thought I would save you from it.”

Castiel shuddered next to him, and Dean looked up in concern. “Cas, you okay?”

“Don’t call me that,” Castiel hissed wrapping his arms tightly around himself.

"What's wrong Castiel? What did I do?"

"You left, that's what's wrong with me Dean," Castiel sobbed into the pillow.

Dean's chest tightened painfully, and he placed his good hand gently on Castiel's shoulder. "It was the worst mistake of my life leaving you. I kept a picture of you, while I was in Iraq. You were my angel, there were so many times I should have died, but I always had you with me, and you saved me every time. The guy's would tease me about the angel that sat on my shoulder, well, when the ambush came, and they all  almost died, I survived and kept most of them alive, with my angel still by my side."

Dean took a shaky breath, pushing down the memories of his friends as he pulled Castiel's picture out of his hospital pants, laying the picture with a bullet hole through it on Castiel’s lap. Castiel touched it softly holding the wallet sized picture carefully.

"I can't believe you still have this. This was the summer we spent away from each other, I took a picture everyday of that summer for you, but this one was my favorite. Dean, what happened in Iraq, I mean, did you get shot?"

Dean smiled sadly, looking down at the picture. It was well worn, the edges curling, his blood spattered on it, burn marks from where the bullet pierced it. It was a beautiful picture still, despite all the things it’s been through. The sun was shining through the tree’s leaving leaf patterns all over Castiel’s body. He was smiling brightly, his arms spread, his eyes closed, his head thrown back, and the glare of the sunlight hitting through the tree trunks making it look like Castiel had wings.

“I… I don’t want to talk about it Cas, but yeah, I got shot, several times. Like I said, I should have died multiple times over.” Dean sighed rubbing his hand up and down Castiel’s backside slowly. “I know you can’t just forgive me Castiel, and I know that I have a lot of atoning to do with you, but now that I’ve found you, I don’t think I could bring myself to let you go again.”

Dean watched Castiel’s face closely, watching the war of emotions passing over his features, before his angel shut his eyes tightly trying to hold back tears. “I know I should tell you to go to hell, tell you to never visit me again, but I don’t want you to leave. I still… I still love you. Even after all these years, you plague my thoughts. I tried to move on, I tried so God damn hard Dean.”

Dean’s hand paused in his movements, processing what exactly it was Castiel said. “I know you did, I knew you would.”

Castiel shook. “I couldn’t though, no one felt right, no one was you, I just wanted you back Dean. I didn’t know how to get you back though, it’s been thirteen years, I didn’t even know where to look, or if there was even a point in looking. I’m just so numb Dean.”

Dean nodded, knowing the feeling so well his chest ached in understanding. “I know Cas, I know.” Dean sighed wanting nothing more than to wrap himself around Castiel like he used to when they were growing up, but Dean knew better than to start that up again. He needed to work up to that, he had to get Castiel to trust him again before he could even think of being that close to him again.

“I need to go back to my room before the scary nurse comes back around. Good night Castiel, have sweet dreams this time okay?” Dean hesitated, seeing the broken look in Castiel’s eyes when he stood up to leave. Dean leaned down, kissing Castiel lightly on the head. “Don’t worry Cas, I’ll still be here in the morning.”

Castiel sighed relaxing into his bed a little bit more, but his face still held the look of a broken, lost man. “I hope you’re telling the truth.”

Dean cracked one of his old smiles, the ones that hadn’t seen the light of the day since Dean’s first day deployed in Iraq even though his heart jerked painfully at his angel’s words. “I’ll see you in the morning Cas.”

With that, Dean turned towards the door, sneaking out, and managing to make it back to his room without one of the nurses asking him any questions.

~~~

When Castiel woke that morning, it wasn’t because he had woken up from a nightmare. No, for the first time in years, he felt rested. Castiel sighed, the events of last night coming back to him, reminding him of his new problem. Dean Winchester.

Castiel remembered his heart shattering a bit when he saw Dean try and smile at him last night like he used to. He could see the strain of it, he could see that Dean was trying to be the Dean Castiel remembered, to make him feel like he was on familiar ground. Castiel could see how broken inside Dean was, and Castiel could see that Dean was looking for a way to patch himself up.

Castiel sighed when he thought that maybe Dean thought that he would be able to fix him. How could Castiel fix Dean when he couldn’t even help himself? Maybe they could fix each other, together, as a team. Castiel sighed, shaking his head. He needed to talk with Dean, see if they even had a chance of making this work.

Castiel hit the button for a nurse waiting for one to come through the door. Ruby walked through the door smiling politely at Castiel. “What can I do for you Mr. Angeles?”

“May I check myself out? I’m feeling quite well.” Castiel asked watching Ruby closely.

She sighed and looked down at her chart. “Well, the doctor on your case would like to hold you for another day, but considering you’re a doctor yourself and you view yourself well enough to be discharged I don’t see the problem.”

Castiel smiled thankfully at her. “Thank you Ruby.”

She nodded, smiling at him before proceeding to remove all of the wires and shutting off all the machines around him. “I’m going to run to the locker room to retrieve some of my extra clothes. Will you get the paperwork ready for me?”

Ruby nodded, leaving the room. Castiel sighed and got onto his shaky legs, tying the hospital gown in the back, and walking out of the room slowly, using the wall for support. It took him awhile, but when he finally made it to the locker room he sighed in relief. Other doctors and nurses were giving him odd looks, and he was quite over it.

Castiel changed into his black jeans and black henley slowly, his legs still slightly shaking. He sat down to slip on his black converse, and grabbed his bag, shutting his locker door when he was done. He made his way back to the reception desk, Ruby sitting there expectantly.

Castiel smiled at her. “Thank you for waiting.”

She nodded. “No problem Castiel, I imagine you want to get out of here as soon as possible.”

Castiel nodded his agreement, taking the forms from her and filling them out as quickly as possible. Castiel planned to visit Dean before he left, but what he really wanted was to get out of the hospital before his brother came back. When Castiel finished he handed the forms over, telling Ruby to have a good next few days.

Castiel made his way over to Dean’s room quickly, ignoring his shaky legs as he scanned the area for his brother. Castiel knocked once on Dean’s door before pushing his way inside and shutting the door.

When Castiel turned towards the brothers he smirked to himself at their surprised faces. “I checked myself out, and I figured I’d stop by and say goodbye.”

Sam swallowed and asked nervously. “Are you okay?”

Castiel nodded. “I’m fine, thank you Sam. If you wouldn’t mind though, I would like to speak with your brother alone.”

Sam jumped up right away. “Yeah, of course. I’ll just be, uh, outside, waiting.”

Castiel smiled politely at the tallest Winchester. “Thank you, Sam.”

When the door was firmly closed, Castiel walked forward, smiling at the other Winchester who still had a spoon full of jello stuck in his mouth that he hastily swallowed down when he got his wits about him again.

Castiel sat down on Dean’s bed silently, and just stared at the other man. Dean stared back at him, a question in his eyes, this over for real this time?

Castiel sighed after a while, looking away from Dean. “How long are you going to be in town Dean?”

Dean shrugged watching Castiel closely. “For as long as I have a reason to.”

The rest of that sentence hung heavily in the air between them. Do I have a reason to stay?

Castiel snatched up his backpack off the floor, riffling through it until he found a pad of paper and a pen. He scribbled his phone number and name down onto it, tearing off the paper and handing it to Dean, giving him an answer that yes, he did have a reason to stay without saying it aloud.

“When you get discharged, give me a call, you can stay with me. I have a couple empty rooms in my house, you and Sam are welcome to them.” Castiel murmured quietly, not exactly sure how Dean was going to react to him opening up his home to him.

Dean stared at Castiel for a long time, not saying anything, his face a mask of bewilderment. He finally choked out a reply of, “Than- thank you, Cas.”

Castiel flinched at the nick name, but let it go. Dean had been calling him that ever since he could talk, and Castiel was done jumping people’s asses for using it. Castiel stood. “Well, I’m going to head home, and I swear to God Winchester if you don’t call me I’ll kill you.”

Dean smiled at that, nodding. “I’ll call you Cas, you don’t have to worry about that.”

Castiel stared into Dean’s moss green eyes for a long time, searching for the lie. When he didn’t find one he nodded and smiled for the first time in what felt like forever. It was an actual genuine smile. That was, until he heard his brother yelling outside the door.

“Fuck you Sam Winchester! Now get out of my fucking way!” Gabriel burst through the door, taking in the sight Castiel standing next to Dean’s bed, and Dean clutching onto the piece of paper that Castiel had given him like his life depended on it.

“You.” Gabriel hissed, stalking towards Dean with malice in his eyes.

Castiel strode forward and stood in front of Gabriel using the few inches he gained over the past several years to loom over his older brother. “Gabriel, calm down.”

Gabriel seethed. “He fucking made you a living zombie and you want me to ‘calm down’? Fuck you Castiel, he deserves to get his ass kicked.”

Castiel snorted and rolled his eyes, feeling more like himself than he had in years. “And who is going to kick his ass, you? Please. You’re 5’8 and he’s 6’2 with more muscle weight on you then you can ever hope of getting. Calm your ass down, and stop causing a scene you drama queen!”

Gabriel stared at Castiel like he had grown a third head. “Excuse me?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “You heard me.”

Gabriel huffed and crossed his arms. “Fine.”

Castiel relaxed a little bit, looking up at Sam who was standing in the doorway awkwardly. “Sam, would you close the door please so our onlookers will kindly disperse?”

Sam glanced behind him at the crowd that had gathered outside the door, and shook his head, shutting the door quickly. Castiel sighed in relief. “Thank you, Sam.”

“So, Castiel, please tell me you’re doing the sensible thing and telling this asshat to get out of your life.” Gabriel muttered, his eyes trained on Castiel’s face.

Castiel tensed, and regarded Gabriel cooly. “What I choose to do, is none of your concern Gabriel.”

“The hell it’s not because you are going to make the wrong one! You’re going to let this asshole back into your life, and when you do, all he’s going to do is make it worse and leave you again!”

“That’s not fucking true Gabriel, I would never leave him again, not intentionally.” Dean shouted, anger set in the tense form of his shoulders.

Gabriel sneered. “Please, as if leaving him really actually hurt you the first time around.”

Suddenly Sam wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s waist, picking him up and throwing the smaller man over his shoulder. “Sam, put me the fuck down!”

Sam rolled his eyes in anger. “You and I are going to have a little chat in the stairwell, and when we come back you are going to be a hell of a lot nicer.”

Both Dean and Castiel watched in mild amusement as Sam carried Gabriel out of the room, kicking and yelling, the tension in the room almost immediately dispersing. They both looked each other and started laughing. It wasn’t heavy laughter, but it was laughter none the less, something they both hadn’t done in a very long time.

When they finally stopped, Dean asked breathlessly. “Do you think Sam will actually get him to play nice?”

Castiel shrugged, looking at the closed door. “No idea, I mean they had a fling in high school, maybe some of it’s still there.”

Dean snorted. “I doubt it. Sam has a girlfriend down in California that he is absolutely crazy about. I don’t think past feelings about Gabriel is going to change anything.”

Castiel hummed. “Maybe you’re right.”

~~~

Sam slammed Gabriel up against the stairwell wall. “You don’t know shit about how Dean was when they split up, so how dare you accuse him of not being hurt. He was a fucking mess, just as big of a mess as Castiel was.” Sam hissed, his eyes blazing with anger.

Gabriel’s eyes burned with the same anger as he glared up at Sam. “If he really was such a fucking mess, why didn’t he try to fix their damn relationship!”

Sam gritted his teeth, his body still crowded into Gabriel’s space, his hands still twisted into the older mans shirt. “They shipped him off to boot camp right away, and the next thing he knew he was fucking deployed. When they gave him leave for awhile it was generally because he was recovering from bullet wounds!” Sam shouted.

Sam could see the slight sympathy in Gabriel’s eyes, but he could also see that Gabriel’s stubbornness was setting in, and he wasn’t going to give in to the idea that Dean was just as screwed as Castiel was. “He still could have tried to find him, he still could have fucking tried.”

Sam groaned loudly, slamming Gabriel back against the wall one more time before shoving away from him, running his hands through his hair. “He did. He got in touch with Michael, who refused to tell him anything. He went back to our home town, trying to see if he left any traces behind. Fucking googled him. Castiel doesn’t even have a Facebook to find. He’s not a well known doctor, there’s nothing on him, no articles about clubs he was in college, nothing.

“So when Dean was given an honorable discharge and a purple heart, he hit the road, hopping he would come across Castiel in his travels.” Sam glared down at Gabriel, watching the man’s resolve to hate his brother leaving.

“Okay fine, so he did try and find him.” Gabriel muttered, straightening his t-shirt.

“Oh thank God he get’s it.” Sam sneered, looking away from Gabriel when a hurt look crossed his face.

“How have you been Sam?” Gabriel said so quietly that Sam almost couldn’t hear him.

Sam softened a bit. He had promised to stay in touch with Gabriel once he went to college, but after the first couple weeks Sam had stopped replying to Gabriel’s messages, leaving the other boy to wonder idely what had happened to him.

“I’m well Gabriel. I graduated from law school, I met a beautiful girl, and her and I are living together now. I’m very happy. How about you?”

Gabriel shrugged, turning towards the door that lead back into the hospital. “Like you care.”

Sam reached out, clasping Gabriel’s arm and holding him in place. “Come on Gabe, don’t be like that.”

Gabriel tensed and looked back at Sam, years of sadness shone in Gabriel’s eyes making Sam’s heart tighten painfully. “I called you Sam. I called, I emailed, I left messages, but you never bothered to answer me. I was ready to move out there for you Sam. Shit, I bought a plane ticket out, and just watched you for an entire day. I watched you go to classes, go out with friends, laugh, smile, and act like you didn’t have a care in the world while I felt like my entire world had left me. Castiel and your brother weren’t the only ones hurting, but you couldn’t even be bothered to answer a phone call. I called you, and I watched you look at your phone, frown, and hang up. You’re a fucking dick Sam Winchester, and don’t even try and make excuses for yourself now.”

With that Gabriel ripped his arm away from Sam and headed back to Dean’s room, leaving Sam in the stairwell feeling like the biggest idiot known to man.

~~~

Dean and Castiel chatted quietly while they waited for Sam and Gabriel to come back. Castiel glanced up when Gabriel walked through the doors first, Sam following behind him a minute later.

Gabriel stepped forward and looked at Dean. “I’m sorry about the things I said. I understand your position a little bit better now, and I’m sorry for saying what I said.” He then turned to Castiel, smiling sadly. “Can I talk to you outside real quick?”

Castiel nodded, standing up from his spot on Dean’s bed. Castiel followed Gabriel out of the room, noticing the solemn expression on Sam’s face as he passed by. He wondered idly what exactly happened in that stairway.

As soon as the door shut fully, Gabriel spoke up. “I think I’m going to start up a candy shop, or a bakery here. This rainy town needs to be livened up, and before you ask, yes I’m doing it because I want to keep an eye on you. It’s also because I want to be here if anything at all happens okay?”

Castiel sighed and shook his head, running a hand up and down his face. “Yeah okay Gabriel, it’s not like I can stop you.”

Gabriel girned. “No you certainly can’t stop me, because I am an unstoppable force of nature.”

Castiel chuckled. “Yeah okay drama queen. I’m gonna go back in there and say goodbye. I’ll see you later?”

Gabriel nodded his features suddenly becoming tense. “Yeah, sure thing Castiel. Tell them all goodbye for me.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t comment on his weird behavior. “Yeah okay Gabriel.”

Gabriel hugged Castiel to him briefly before walking away towards the elevator. Castiel shook his head, ignoring the fact he knew something important must have happened in that stairwell.

When Castiel walked through the door to see the brothers huddled close talking in hushed whispers it just kind of confirmed what Castiel already thought. “Everything okay Sam?”

Sam nodded, his lips tight and expression serious. Dean smiled at him sheepishly, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Castiel shrugged, it’s been years, and Castiel wasn’t even sure he fully trusted Dean yet. “I’m going to head home, you have my number if you need anything Dean.”

Dean nodded and smiled. “I’ll call you Cas, I promise.”

  
Castiel smiled and turned away from them, muttering to himself. “I’ll hold you to that promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so what did you all think? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know in the comments below!


	4. Righteous Side of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fucker at the door didn’t seem to give a shit as he continued to ring the doorbell. Castiel groaned, crawling out of his bed and running down the stairs, and ripping the door open violently. “What the fuck do you want at three in the fucking morning?”
> 
> Castiel met two very amused green eyes, and deflated only slightly. “Hello Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughs* So, this chapter isn't very fluffy, at all. It's actually very sad and short. I wrote this chapter listening to this song called Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch. Here's the url(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_l4Ab5FRwM) if you wanna listen to it. It's also the song Dean's talking about. *shrugs* I would say enjoy, but I don't think you will really enjoy this chapter. So as you will be able to tell this work is part of a series now, the other part of this series is from Sam and Gabriel's point of view and their little tid bit of story. If you're interested, read it, if not, then don't.

Castiel was not very happy when someone was ringing his doorbell at ass o’clock in the morning. Castiel groaned flipping onto his back and glancing at his clock. It was 3 fucking 30 in the morning.

 

The fucker at the door didn’t seem to give a shit as he continued to ring the doorbell. Castiel groaned, crawling out of his bed and running down the stairs, and ripping the door open violently. “What the fuck do you want at three in the fucking morning?”

 

Castiel met two very amused green eyes, and deflated only slightly. “Hello Dean.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Hello to you too sleeping beauty.”

 

Castiel sighed, rubbing his face while stepping aside to the let the other man in. “Please come in. I wasn’t expecting you at this time of night.”

 

Dean nodded his understanding. “Talked the night doctor into letting me go early. Sam went back to California to figure some things out with Jess before he heads back up here.”

 

Castiel nodded. “I’ll show you to your room, and in the morning I’ll show you the rest of the house.”

 

Dean nodded. “Sorry to wake you. I imagine being a doctor you don’t get much sleep.”

 

Castiel lead the way up the stairs and winced. He didn’t get much sleep from his odd hours, but it was also the nightmares that kept him up at night. “Even with the hours. I just don’t sleep very well.”

 

Dean huffed behind him. “You never really did.”

 

Castiel smiled sadly at that. “Do you sleep very well Dean?”

 

They paused at the top of the stairs, gazing at one another. Dean shook his head, a dark look crossing his face. “No, no I don’t.”

 

Castiel wonders if it’s war memories that wake him up at night. He didn’t ask. Castiel walked over to the green room, opening the dark wooden door to the second largest room in the house. Castiel was thinking of Dean when he furnished this room. The paint on the walls a deep forest green. All of the furniture in the room was made out of wood that was stained grey. The bed was a four post canopy bed. The bed’s comforter matched the walls, it had grey sheets, and the canopy was the same color as the comforter. There was a grey couch, a grey bean bag, a coffee table, a flat screen TV on the wall, a vinyl player in the corner of the room, and a large book case. The door to the bathroom was also stained grey.

 

Castiel turned towards Dean who was gaping at the room. “Dude, this room is awesome!”

 

Castiel smiled in satisfaction. “I’m glad you like it.” A thought occurred to Castiel then that Dean had never called him, and he had never given Dean his address. “Dean, how did you know where I lived?”

 

Dean’s look turned sheepish then. “I got one of the nurses to look it up for me. I think her name was Lisa. I didn’t want to wake you twice in one evening.”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. He’d have to have a word with Lisa the next time he saw her. “I see. Well, this will be your room. I’m still tired, make yourself at home and by all means explore everything in the house if you’re not tired. Good night Dean.”

 

Dean smiled at him softly. “Thank you Cas and good night.”

 

Castiel trudged back to his room wondering how his life would be with Dean now living in the same house as him.

 

~~~

 

The answer seemed to be rude awakenings. Castiel jolted up at the sound of one of the most heartbreaking screams he’d ever heard in his life. Castiel rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and climbed out of bed, checking Dean’s room. The man was thrashing on top of the covers, a book discarded next to him.

 

“It’s not my fault, I tried so hard Benny. No, please, I’m sorry!” Dean screamed and Castiel shot forward, straddling Dean’s hips and cupping his face on both sides. “Dean, Dean, I need you to come back to me, it’s just a dream. DEAN, it’s just a dream. Wake up!” Castiel shouted. As Dean’s eyes opened, he panicked, throwing Castiel off of him and wrapping his good hand around Castiel’s neck.

 

Castiel gasped, wrapping his hands around Dean’s, a shot of fear running through him. As Dean’s eyes cleared dread filled his face, his hand shooting away from Castiel’s neck, his arms wrapping around himself. “Oh God Cas, I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

Dean hung his head and sobbed, Castiel’s heart breaking with every cry. Castiel crawled over Dean and pulled the ex soldier into his arms. Dean fought at first, but Castiel just held him tighter, refusing to let go. Castiel shushed Dean as he cried into his shirt, the older man clutching onto him for dear life.

 

“I couldn’t save him Cas. I tried so fucking hard. He was helping a little girl escape the building. I tried to reach him in time, tried to get to him, but I didn’t make it in time. I watched my best friend and a little girl get blown to bits, Cas.”

 

Castiel could feel the tears sliding down his own face and he tightened his grip on Dean. “I was able to save Jo, and Ash. I couldn’t get to Adam and Pamela in time. They were too far into the building, trying to extract our target. They all died in the collapse of the building. I got shot twice during that mission. Jo carried me out before the building collapsed. They didn’t know the way back to camp, but I did. I was half lucid but I managed to get them back. I died that night, but they brought me back. I should have been there for them, they should have let me fucking die.”

 

Castiel shook his head, kissing the top of Dean’s head. “If you had died Jo and Ash wouldn’t have lived Dean. You did the best you could.”

 

Dean shook his head. “I’ve done so many terrible things Castiel. They had us kill innocent women, children. God Cas, I’ve met the devil, and he looks exactly like me.”

 

“No Dean, you’re a good man. You’re a good man.” Castiel whispered, rocking them both back and forth.

 

“Ash liked a song by this band called Five Finger Death Punch. Some of the lyrics went ‘ _I’m on the wrong side of heaven, but the righteous of hell_ ’. It was practically our anthem Cas. The shit we did… We’re all fucking damned.”

  
Castiel heart felt heavy with sorrow. His chest feeling like it was going to collapse on itself, he couldn’t begin to understand how Dean felt. So he just held the soldier tighter, kissing the top of his head, and murmuring that he was okay. They fell asleep like that, both with tear stained cheeks and heavy hearts.


	5. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel padded his way down his stairs, through his living room, and into his kitchen. Castiel started mixing together the waffle batter, planning to wake Dean up to the smell of a homemade breakfast. Since Castiel lived alone, and he didn’t want to live off of everything that came from a box, he took a cooking class. He wasn’t a fantastic chef by any means, but he was skilled enough that pretty much everything he made tasted good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after that rather heart wrenching chapter I give you a much better one with fluff and happiness. I hope you all enjoy.

Castiel huffed and opened his eyes slowly, enjoying the warmth radiating against him. Castiel stared down at Dean who was sleeping peacefully this time, his mouth hanging open, soft snores escaping his mouth.

 

Castiel ran his hand gently through Dean’s hair, smiling when Dean leaned into him further. Castiel kissed the top of Dean’s head before detangling himself from the sleeping man.

 

Castiel padded his way down his stairs, through his living room, and into his kitchen. Castiel started mixing together the waffle batter, planning to wake Dean up to the smell of a homemade breakfast. Since Castiel lived alone, and he didn’t want to live off of everything that came from a box, he took a cooking class. He wasn’t a fantastic chef by any means, but he was skilled enough that pretty much everything he made tasted good.

 

Castiel made them seven waffles, and was in the middle of making a light fruit salad when Dean wondered into the kitchen. “Smells good, Cas.”

 

Castiel jumped and turned to Dean. “You scared me, and thank you.”

 

Dean gave him a sheepish grin as he sat down at the bar. “Sorry about that. Is it almost done? I’m starving.”

 

Castiel nodded, mixing the fruit salad one last time. “How many waffles do you want?”

 

Dean hummed. “Two please.” Castiel slid two waffles onto Dean’s plate, and added a scoop of fruit salad. He was pleasantly surprised when Dean didn’t protest.

 

“You have any butter and syrup?”

 

Castiel nodded, grabbing what Dean wanted and setting them on the bar before serving himself. They ate in companionable silence, sneaking glances at each other every so often.

 

Castiel was the first to break the silence. “Since when did you eat fruit without complaint?”

 

Dean smiled softly, wiping his mouth with the napkin Castiel had given him. “While I was deployed we ate whatever we were given, and more often than not it wasn’t very appetizing. I came to appreciate when we had fresh anything, especially fruit and veggies.”

 

Castiel hummed in thought. “But I imagine that your love for burgers hasn’t changed?”

 

Dean grinned lazily cocking his head to the side. “Come on now Cas that could never change.”

 

Castiel smiled brightly at the light in Dean’s eyes. They held each others gaze for a long time, the tension that was classic during their childhood filled between them once more. “God you’re beautiful.” Dean murmured reaching out with his hand to brush into against the side of Castiel’s face feeling the light stubble. Castiel let out a breath, leaning into Dean’s warm hand, his eyes slipping closed.

 

“I’ve missed you, Dean.” Castiel murmured.

 

Castiel opened his eyes to watch Dean’s green eyes filled with guilt. “I’ve missed you too, Cas. I… I regret ever letting you go.”

 

Castiel turned his head to graze his lips along Dean’s hand. “I forgive you, Dean. Just… please don’t leave again.”

 

Dean shook his head, leaning forward, and bringing up his other hand to cup Castiel’s face. “I’m never leaving again, Cas. I swear I won’t leave again. I just got you back.” Dean’s voice broke at the end, and Castiel heart tugged in his chest. He slowly leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly against Dean’s.

 

“I know you won't.” Castiel whispered, his lips barely brushing Dean’s as he spoke, cupping Dean’s face in return. Dean sighed, his hot breath ghosting across Castiel’s skin, the smell of maple syrup and waffles following with it. Dean closed the little space between their lips, just pressing them together.

 

Castiel hummed and slipped off of his chair and in between Dean’s legs. They kissed softly, nothing rough, just the press of lips against one another, just feeling the presence of the other. It was nice and comforting. Castiel pulled away first, resting his forehead against Dean’s.

 

For awhile they just breathed together, both eyes closed while soaking in the other’s presence. Dean pulled away from Castiel, smiling. “You wanna show me your house, Cas?

 

Castiel smiled back nodding. “Of course.” They stood and Castiel gestured around the kitchen. “Obviously, this is the kitchen.”

 

Dean smiled, his green eyes shining with amusement. The countertops were made out of black granite, every appliance even the sink was stainless steel. The floor was an offset white that had specks of shiny black in them, the floor was smooth to the touch and easy to slip on save for the grooves in the tile that often stopped Castiel from slipping around everywhere when he wore socks.

 

Castiel moved away from the bar, walking down the two steps towards the front of his house into the living room. A half wall and the steps divided the kitchen from the living room. There was a fireplace diagonal against two walls in the corner, a flat screen TV hanging above it. There were a few pictures on the mantelpiece. A picture of Castiel’s graduation, a picture of him and Dean sitting on the Impala, and a picture of him and Meg at a coworker’s party drinking beers.

 

The large windows looked out onto Castiel’s lawn, part of the few obscured by the rose bushes in front of the window. There were two white couches; one sat three people the other two, a grey stained coffee table in the middle of the room, a white rug beneath it. The carpet reminded Castiel of the kitchens tile, it was also white with black flecks amongst it. There was a plant in corner of the room, and in the other a stone waterfall that was powered through electricity.

 

“My living room.” Castiel murmured, letting Dean take the place in. Dean looked around it with appreciation. So far Dean thought the house was simple and almost white washed, dashes of color here and there, but it all reminded him of Castiel. In Dean’s opinion the most color he had seen so far was his own room, and that room didn’t really feel like a place Castiel went often, didn’t really have his touch in it. If anything, Dean felt that room had been made for him, which was ridiculous because couldn’t have ever known Dean would live with him.

 

Castiel walked through the archway into the main hallway that was long, if Dean looked all the way down it he could see that it opened up into a large room. Castiel pointed to a door by the front door right next to the stairway to upstairs. “Closet for coats.” Castiel walked further down the long hallway pointing at another door past the stairs. “This leads out to the two car garage. I’ll have to show you my baby later. This door over here is another bathroom.” Dean took note of the bathroom, and wonder what car was Castiel’s baby.

 

Castiel walked forward into the large room. There was some workout equipment, a desk with a mac laptop, a foosball table, a chess table in the center of the room, and on the other side was another TV on a stand, with a loveseat and two armchairs on either side of it pointed at the TV.

 

“This is an entertainment room of sorts. It kind of holds everything else I didn’t know where to put. Bela, my brother’s interior designer about lost her shit when she saw that my workout stuff was in the entertainment room she had designed. She’s very particular about things.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes at that. “Perfectionist.”

 

Castiel smiled, nudging Dean’s shoulder as he walked down the two steps into the hallway. “I’m a perfectionist, Dean. Just not when it comes to decor.”

 

Dean sighed, following Castiel up the stairs towards the bedroom. “I know that, Cas. I remember those hideous hours of homework where you made me do every math problem by hand in the way you demanded it to be done.”

 

Castiel smirked at that, opening the door to his room. “If I remember correctly you got A’s on those math tests.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Irrelevant.”

 

Castiel stepped back to allow Dean into his room, watching the other man’s face closely. His walls were painted a deep midnight blue, the carpet a soft white, his four post canopy was a light wood, the wood twisted to look like a tree twisting up and forming the bed. His bedside tables were oddly shaped to look like they came out of a forest. He had a fireplace in this room as well, no TV like in Dean’s. There was a stereo system sitting on a little table, and there were two book shelves holding all of Castiel’s favorite books. There was a door to the master bath, and a door to Castiel’s walk in closet.

 

Dean smiled at Castiel. “This seems very you. You always liked nature. I’m almost surprised the ceiling doesn’t sparkle, as if it was the night sky.”

 

Castiel bit his lip in amusement as Dean balked. “You can’t be serious.” Castiel flicked off the lights and drew his dark blue window curtains. Dean looked up to see that from the little light that did illuminate the room that ceiling did indeed sparkle like the night sky.

 

Dean shook his head grinning. “You’re such a dork.”

 

Castiel snorted, laying down in the middle of his room and patting the spot beside him. “Say’s the man that geeks out over batman.”

 

“Hey! Batman is badass okay?” Castiel just smiled and Dean sighed, lying down next to Castiel to stare at his ceiling as it glimmered.

 

Dean was surprised by how soft and comfortable Castiel’s floor were, and wondered if they were extra cushioned just for this purpose. They laid there for awhile, neither saying anything, both almost drifting to sleep. Castiel spoke first, his voice sleepy and rough. “I’m glad you’re here, Dean.”

 

Dean hummed and reached for Castiel, pulling the slightly short man against his side. “So am I Cas, so am I.”

 

Castiel laid his head on Dean’s chest, breathing in the other man’s scent as his chest filled to the brim with light bubbly feeling of happiness. They dosed together like that, both full from their meals, and both still tired from lack of sleep.

 

It wasn’t till hours later that Dean roused from sleep, a pressure in his bladder, but he found he didn’t want to move. Castiel was sleeping lightly on his chest, his face a look of complete innocence. Dean didn’t want to wake him, but he really needed to pee.

 

Dean shook Castiel lightly, waking him long enough to drag him into his own bed and promising to return shortly. Dean did his business quickly, washing his hands afterwards when the familiar blaring sound of Big Balls by AC/DC coming from his pocket. Dean scrambled to dry his hands and answer the call before Castiel woke up.

 

“Hello?” Dean hissed quietly.

 

“Dean? Why are you whispering?” Sam spoke through the phone rather loudly.

 

Dean escaped the bathroom and walked into the hall before responding. “Castiel was asleep; I didn’t want to wake him.”

 

“You’re at Castiel’s place. Are you two already sleeping together?” Sam hissed through the phone.

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Of course not Sammy, we fell asleep while looking at his sparkling ceiling.”

 

“Sparkling ceiling?” Sam said in disbelief.

 

“Cas always had a thing for stars. His ceiling literally is painted with sparkles to resemble the night sky when all the lights are off.” Dean said, a small smile crossing his lips.

 

Sam laughed. “You’ll have to show me when I come up tomorrow. Does Cas still have a room open for me?”

 

Dean looked towards the third room on the second floor that he had yet to be in. “Yeah he does. I’ll text you the address later. Is Jess alright with all of this?”

 

Sam was silent for a moment. “She said she’d give me two months to figure out things with Gabriel then I should give her a call and tell her my decision.”

 

Dean leaned against Castiel’s door and sighed, his heart going out to his brother. “She’s a smart girl, I didn’t think she would miss the way you still feel for him.”

 

Sam sighed. “I don’t want to leave her, Dean. I just want to fix things between him and me.”

 

Dean shook his head. “You can’t fix things with him Sam, not unless you give him a piece of yourself.”

 

Sam groaned. “Dean I don’t know what to do.”

 

Dean didn’t know either. “I don’t know how to help you man.”

 

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice rang from the other side of the door. Dean flinched at his panicked tone.

 

“I gotta go, Sam. I’ll text you.” Dean said as he opened the door.

 

“Yeah okay Dean. I’ll see you soon.” Dean ended the call and shut the door, creeping towards Castiel. Castiel’s eyes were trained on him, but it was if he couldn’t really see him.

 

“I thought it was a dream. A beautiful wonderful dream and it broke my heart to think it wasn’t real.” Castiel muttered to himself, his hands gripping the blankets tightly. Dean climbed onto the bed and slipped beneath the covers with Castiel. He pulled the younger man into his lap and just held him.

 

“It’s real, Cas. I’m right here.” Dean whispered, kissing Castiel’s head lightly.

 

Castiel buried his face in Dean’s neck, breathing him in. “I knew you were, but I still thought that maybe you’d leave again, or worse, I’d dreamed it all up.”

 

Dean shook his head, holding Castiel tighter against him, regret filling him once more. “God Cas, I’m so sorry for leaving. I’m not leaving this time, and I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”

 

“Okay, Dean.” Castiel murmured into his neck, his breathing slowed as he fell back into sleep. Dean dossed off with him, basking in Castiel’s warmth. Castiel woke up first this time, dragging Dean downstairs to make the man dinner. Dean couldn’t really say no when Castiel told him that he was going to make bacon cheese burgers.

 


	6. Forgiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean nodded, his smile a bit forced as he waved good bye to the kids still spying on them. They waved back and Castiel wasn't all that surprised when he was bombarded by question by them about who the man with the pretty green eyes was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile guy's but here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

Castiel jumped when his phone rang in the middle of the night. Castiel groaned as he fumbled to grab it off his bedside table, answering the phone with a gruff, “Hello?”

 

“How are you doing, Clarence?” Angela’s dry tone rang out through the receiver. Castiel huffed, she only called at this time of night when she wanted him to come in.

 

“I’m fine. Do you need an extra pair of hands?” Castiel asked already climbing out of his bed and heading for his closet.

 

“Why Clarence you read my mind. Alex called out, and who else would I call besides my favorite doctor?”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes, pulling on a button up shirt, slinging his blue tie around his neck and hastily pulling up his black slacks. “I’ll be there soon.”

 

“Bye Clarence.” Angela hung up the phone with a sharp click. Castiel dropped the phone into his slacks, and finished buttoning up his white shirt. Castiel didn’t really care that he’d put his tie on backwards as he shuffled into the bathroom to brush his teeth and make his hair look slightly more presentable.

 

Castiel grabbed his bag and white coat and left his room, pausing at Dean’s door. They’d agreed to keep sleeping in separate rooms for now, and Castiel hadn’t been woken by screams yet tonight. Castiel debated going in there and waking Dean to tell him that he was going to work. Castiel cracked the door and looked into Dean’s room. The man was on the couch, the TV’s light shining on his sleeping figure. He looked dead to the world. Castiel smiled affectionately and decided it was best to let the other man sleep.

 

Castiel shut Dean’s door and raced out the front door. When he pulled up to the hospital, it seemed like a relatively quiet night. A blessing that they didn’t have very often. Castiel had specialized in pediatric treatment, but most days they had him making rounds on individuals that came from the ER. Tonight though, since Alex worked in the pediatric department, he’d get to spend time with the kids.

 

They all seemed to like him, and he loved spending time with them. Most were asleep tonight, the ones that couldn’t sleep he chatted with, making them laugh and promising to visit more often. Before Castiel knew it, the sun had risen and the kids were starting to wake up. Castiel made his rounds, delivering medicine, doing check ups, and sneaking candy to the patients.

 

When Angela came up with a cross look on her face, Castiel frowned in confusion. “What are you doing up here?”

 

 “The guy from the other night is here, and he’s freaking out down stairs, says it’s important he see’s you.” Castiel nodded, confused on why Dean was here.

 

“Give him a pair of scrubs, and you can send him up here.” Castiel told her, stepping out of the patient's room that he was in.

 

Angela raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? Who even is this guy?”

 

Castiel smiled. “He’s an old friend.”

 

She huffed. “Fine.”

 

She left with her face scrunched up in anger. Dean came up moments later stalking towards Castiel his face scrunched up in anger. “You couldn’t leave a fucking note or anything? I woke up from a… fuck Cas you weren’t there and I didn’t know where you had gone.”

 

Castiel winced, guilt filling him as he looked at Dean’s face. It was filled with fear, desperation, and anger. Dean had a nightmare, and Castiel wasn’t there to help him. “Dean, I’m sorry. I’ve never had to inform anyone of where I was going before. I thought about waking you up, but you’d been sleeping so peacefully when I left I didn’t want to wake you.”

 

Dean deflated in front of him, running a hand down his face in defeat. “Leave me a note man, just, please.” Castiel could hear the desperation in Dean’s voice and it broke his heart. 

 

Castiel pulled the other man into a tight hug. “I will Dean, I promise.”

 

Dean nodded into his shoulder giving him one last tight squeeze before pulling back and clearing his throat. “I should let you get back to work. I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”

 

It was just then that Castiel had noticed that some of the kids had vacated their rooms to watch the fiasco. Castiel shooed them off to their rooms even though they still just peeked through the windows in the door and on the side.

 

Castiel sighed. “I should be done here soon. We’ll talk later?”

 

Dean nodded, his smile a bit forced as he waved good bye to the kids still spying on them. They waved back and Castiel wasn't all that surprised when he was bombarded by question by them about who the man with the pretty green eyes was.

 

~~~

 

Dean took the elevator back down, searching for the gal who gave him the scrubs, turns out she was waiting for him. "You were that guy from the other day, with the dumbass brother who messed up Castiel again."

 

Dean bristled. "You'll have to excuse my brother. He doesn't think shit through sometimes."

 

The woman continued to glare at him. "Who are you?"

 

"Dean Winchester. I'm an aquarius and I like long walks on the beach and frisky women and men."

 

Her glare deepened. "How do you know Castiel?"

 

Dean began stripping off the scrubs that he hastily threw on over his own clothes. "Were childhood sweethearts."

 

Her glare became stony. "You left him."

 

Dean froze in folding the clothes he was about to hand to the woman. "Excuse me?"

 

"He only spoke of you once, when he was so drunk he didn't even know who I was. He was babbling about the love of his life, the man who ruined his life by abandoning him. He was talking about you, wasn't he?"

 

Dean flinched at her words, his guilt rearing an ugly head, sneering at him. Dean sighed. "Yes."

 

"Why did you come back?" The woman snarled.

 

Dean met her harsh gaze, honesty shining brightly in his eyes. "Because I needed him."

 

"What makes you think he needs you?" She sneered.

 

Dean hung his head. "Nothing, but he asked me not to leave again. I'll be here as long as he want's me."

 

With that he thrust the clothes back into her hands, and took off through the door and down to his baby. Luckily when he'd gotten in the accident he'd been in someone else's car and not his baby's. She roared to life, the smell of leather and whiskey a comforting smell. He has so many memories in this car.

 

So many of them dealt with Castiel splayed out in his back seat while he made love to him. Castiel always looked so beautiful stretched out on the back seat, panting, whining, his back arching off of the seat when Dean hit his prostate just right, breathy moans escaping his slightly chapped lips. Dean groaned shaking his head and rested his head on the steering wheel pressing his hand against his groin. He shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. They weren’t who they were back then, things were different now, they were different now.

 

Dean threw the Impala into reverse and backed out of the parking spot making his way back to Castiel’s home. The house was dead quiet and it made Dean shiver with how alone he felt. He never liked it when it was quiet. He trudged up the stairs and into his room looking through the vinyls for one to ease away the quiet of the house.

 

Dean was surprised to find that they were all bands he listened to in high school, bands he still listened to today. Dean paused when he found all of Led Zeppelin's albums, all in order, from their first to the most recent. Dean pulled the one with Stairway to Heaven on it, remembering it was Castiel’s favorite song by Led Zeppelin.

 

Dean swayed to the music and pulled a book from the bookshelf in his room and began to read, awaiting Castiel’s return. He was surprised that when half way through Stairway to Heaven Castiel walked into his room almost hesitantly.

 

Dean smiled softly, setting his book aside. “Hey, Cas.”

 

Castiel smiled back tilting his head. "I miss listening to this."

 

Dean frowned. "Did you stop?"

 

Castiel nodded sitting down in the bed next to Dean, loosening his tie as he went. "It reminded me to much of you, all of that music did truthfully."

 

Dean glanced at the vinyl player. "Then why did you buy all of it?"

 

Castiel looked around the room thoughtfully. "Because when I was helping design this room I was making it in your memory, to try and help with the pain. I thought if I had a room that was made from your memory, I wouldn't miss you so much."

 

Dean stared at his hands, his question barely audible to his own ears. "Did it help?"

 

Castiel shook his head. "No because it wasn't the real thing."

 

Dean reached out and took Castiel's hand. "I'm here now."

 

Castiel smiled softly. "Yes, yes you are."

 

They stared at one another for a long time, the song ending and rolling into the next and they still stared at one another. Not for the first time, Dean found himself lost in that fathomless blue. There was so much forgiveness in his eyes, Dean couldn’t help the over bearing relief that flooded him and the tears that followed.

 

“Oh, Dean.” Castiel murmured pulling him tightly against himself. Dean shuddered with sobs, his body wracking with sudders. Castiel murmured quietly to Dean, his own tears falling silently. They were both so lost, both filled with feelings of regret and loss.

 

“I’m so sorry, Cas.” Dean choked out, hugging the love of his life harder.

 

Castiel kissed Dean’s head for a long moment, burying his nose in Dean’s hair breathing him in. “I know Dean. I forgive you, I’ll always forgive you.”

 

Dean cried harder, he’d never felt lighter in his life than in that moment. The guilt of leaving Cas has weighed him down from the moment he stepped foot out of Castiel’s bedroom. It had followed him on every tour, on every whiskey filled night, and on every one night stand he’s had since. Yet here Castiel was, forgiving him for leaving, for abandoning him. 

 

Dean shuddered one last time, his entire body suddenly feeling exhausted and vulnerable. “Thank you.” He whispered, the words barely audible to his own ears as he fell asleep in Castiel's arms the tears still running down his face. 

  
Castiel tightened his grip on Dean, never once letting him go his chest swelling with raw emotion. “I love you, Dean.” Castiel murmured into his green eyed lovers hair before joining him in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guy's think in the comment's below. It helps a lot to know what you guy's think.


	7. Revalation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel jolted his eyes becoming wide in surprise as Dean’s opened in warmth and delight. “I heard you.” Dean whispered and Castiel knew what he meant. He’d told him he’d loved him yesterday, and Dean had heard him. Castiel swallowed down the lump in his throat trying desperately to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.
> 
> “I love you, Cas.” Dean whispered pulling Castiel down into his embrace which Castiel returned tears trailing down his face lightly escaping his closed eyes. This was real. They were together and they were alright. This love that Castiel didn’t believe he’d ever feel again came back to him. Dean came back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guy's I know it's been like four months, but here's the next chapter. I hope my next update won't be four months away like this one, but life is friggen crazy so we shall see.

They both woke to the door bell ringing, the sounds of the chimes breaking their little bubble of peace. Dean looked up at Castiel sleepily; groggy blue eyes stared back at him in confusion. The doorbell rang again and Dean stood, stretching his back when it hit him. "Shit, that's probably Sam."

 

They both jogged down the stairs opening the door swiftly for Sam. "Sorry man we were both asleep."

 

Sam smiled at them, taking in their messy hair, rumpled clothing, and red puffy eyes. Sam didn't comment on the fact they looked like they had been crying instead asking, "So where can I sleep?"

 

Castiel and Dean smiled at him. "This way." Castiel said taking Sam's bag and ignoring his protests. He lead them upstairs to the bedroom down the hall. Sam stepped into the room taking in all the warm brown colors of the room. Sam smiled; the room was perfect for him, big enough for him to feel like he had room to breath, and his very own bathroom.

 

"Thank you, Cas. Thank you for letting me stay here." Sam spoke turning towards the older man.

 

Castiel shook his head. "Don't mention it. I like having the company. Are you hungry? We haven't eaten anything yet."

 

Sam nodded and Castiel led them down the stairs and into the kitchen. Sam and Dean sat down at Castiel's small table chatting good naturedly as Castiel fixed up chicken broccoli alfredo. Castiel smiled to himself when Dean didn't complain about the broccoli while Sam just gawked at him. "Dude, there's broccoli in this."

 

Dean raised an eyebrow mid bite. "Yeah, and?"

 

Sam shook his head in disbelief. "You're eating it."

 

Dean shrugged taking another bite. "People change man, and Cas's cooking is good."

 

Castiel smiled to himself and continued to eat his portion. The rest of the meal was fairly quiet. When they finished Sam insisted that he and Dean do the dishes and that Castiel rest for a moment. Castiel rolled his eyes, but moved into his living room looking through his movies. He found his Star Wars collection and grinned. "Would you two like to watch a movie?" He called back both brothers looking up and nodding as they finished off the dishes.

 

Dean quickly ruled that they were watching Star Wars as Castiel thought he would, and they all sat down for Star Wars The Phantom Menace which Dean murmured all of the lines to himself. Sam fell asleep quickly; his snores quiet enough that Dean didn't throw a pillow at him for it. Towards the end of the movie Castiel could feel himself slipping into sleep his head laying heavily against Dean's shoulder. When Castiel woke next the movie was off, Sam was gone, and he had migrated from sleeping on Dean's shoulder to in his lap.

 

Castiel sat up slowly careful not to wake up Dean just yet. He didn't know if he should invite Dean back to his room or not. Castiel chewed his lip lightly in thought. They had made great progress today, and Castiel really didn’t mind having Dean sleep with him. In reality he loved having Dean sleeping next to him he felt so much better when the other man was around.

 

Dean groaned next to him. “You’re thinking too hard it’s interrupting my sleep.”

 

Castiel chuckled shaking head. “Will you come to bed with me, Dean?”

 

Dean opened one eye looking at Castiel hopefully. “Do you mean that?”

 

Castiel huffed grabbing Dean’s hand. “I wouldn’t joke with you.”

 

Dean grinned opening his other eye and stood with Castiel. They walked up the stairs slowly hand in hand bumping shoulders every so often. Castiel paused at the hallway for a moment wondering if they should go to Dean’s room or his, but Dean decided for him pulling him into Castiel’s room with no thought. They stripped slowly taking their time till they got to their boxers both standing on either side of the bed staring at one another. Dean moved first pulling back the cover and Castiel followed suit climbing into the cool sheets. Castiel snuggled up to Dean almost hesitantly, but Dean just pulled him against him tightly Castiel’s head resting on Dean’s chest and his arm wrapped around his middle. Castiel let out a shaky breath moving closer and wrapping one of his legs around Dean’s.

 

“Is this okay?” Castiel asked unsure if Dean was truly okay with this closeness.

 

Dean's grip around his shoulder tightened. "This is perfect, Cas. Go to sleep."

 

Castiel nodded against him slowly allowing himself to relax into Dean and eventually into sleep.

 

~~~

 

Castiel woke slowly his body feeling lethargic and warm so very warm. He shifted in the grasp of the other man his chest against Dean's, and Dean's arms were wrapped tightly around him. Castiel sighed into the warmth of it all never wanting to move, and never wanting to get out of bed. Castiel drifted off once more into sleep till he was rudely awaken by the dull trill of his cell phone for numbers he didn't know.

 

Castiel grabbed at his bedside table blindly Dean groaning next to him, and rolling away from him. Castiel answered the phone almost harshly. "Hello?"

 

"Well good morning sleeping beauty."

 

Castiel groaned flopping back down onto his bed. "What do you want, Gabriel?"

 

Gabriel snorted. "Someone is in a good mood. I'm back in town. I've found myself an apartment and all. Was wondering if I could stop by. Make sure you and the asshole were getting along well."

 

Castiel rubbed a hand over his face tiredly. "We're fine, Gabe. I don't think that's a good idea though."

 

"Why's that because there actually is trouble in paradise, and you're just not telling me?"

 

Castiel rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Sam is here."

 

There was silence on the other end of the phone, complete and utter silence. Finally when Gabriel answered his voice sounded almost scared and quiet. "I've had a change of heart. We should have lunch instead. Why don't you come over to my place around 12:30 and I'll cook us up something. I'll text you the address."

 

Before Castiel could even ask his brother if he was okay he hung up the phone. Castiel groaned and threw his phone over the edge of his bed not really caring if it hit the ground a little hard. Dean rolled back over to face him rubbing his eyes.

 

"What did Gabriel want?"

 

"To see me mostly, but he just really doesn't want to see your brother. Whatever even happened between those two? Before I disappeared whenever I'd ask Gabe about it he'd just brush me off."

 

Dean shrugged. "Sammy just said they grew apart. He wouldn't really give me any details."

 

Castiel nodded snuggling back against Dean. "I don't want to get up." Castiel muttered into Dean's shoulder who laughed at him.

 

"Normally it's me who's saying that." Castiel shrugged.

 

"We can switch roles for the day."

 

Dean chuckled. "Can't do that. I don't know how to play doctor."

 

Castiel snorted the idea of Dean trying to understand all of the medical terms that Castiel more often than not forgot himself was highly amusing. "Perhaps I'll play the doctor part, but you can go meet with my brother."

 

Dean shook his head. "Fuck that I'd rather remain alive thank you. Dude hates my guts."

 

Castiel chuckled. "It would appear that way yes."

 

They grew quiet for a moment both just being with each other no particular need to fill the silence between them. It was peaceful and Castiel didn't ever want it to end. Unfortunately the world wasn't going to allow that. Castiel’s phone began buzzing with a series of text messages that was no doubt his brother sending them to him to ensure that Castiel did indeed show up for their lunch date.

 

Castiel groaned burying his face in his pillow. Dean chuckled next to him and leaned over planting a kiss on Castiel’s neck. Castiel tensed his body filling with burning warmth. Castiel looked up at Dean who was staring down at him with a small grin. His eyes that burning green of warmth and love that Castiel had missed so much over the years.

 

Castiel sat up and crossed his legs in front of Dean reaching out a hand and cupping his face lightly. “I’ve missed you.” Castiel murmured watching Dean’s face as he always has with wonder and curiosity.

 

Dean smiled leaning into Castiel’s hand and closing his eyes a deep breath escaping him. “And I’ve missed you, my love.”

 

Castiel jolted his eyes becoming wide in surprise as Dean’s opened in warmth and delight. “I heard you.” Dean whispered and Castiel knew what he meant. He’d told him he’d loved him yesterday, and Dean had heard him. Castiel swallowed down the lump in his throat trying desperately to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.

 

“I love you, Cas.” Dean whispered pulling Castiel down into his embrace which Castiel returned tears trailing down his face lightly escaping his closed eyes. This was real. They were together and they were alright. This love that Castiel didn’t believe he’d ever feel again came back to him. Dean came back to him.

 

Dean held him closely whispering those three words over and over into his ear rubbing his back soothingly. Castiel buried his face into Dean’s shoulder whispering it back. He was so happy, so relieved, so filled with life and the hole is his chest filled back up with the love he’d lost.

 

They were in a bubble of happiness, of comfort, of safety, and Castiel wasn’t ready to leave. When Sam knocked on their door to tell them he was going for a run, and that was what got Castiel to get up and tug Dean into the shower with him. They washed each other running their hands over every inch of each other's bodies to reassure themselves this was real and they were together.

 

They reassured themselves through stumbling kisses as they tried to dress. Through Dean chasing him down the stairs, and tackling him into the couch tickling him mercilessly and kissing him endlessly. It was through the way Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist as he grabbed his car keys and wallet from the counter kissing his neck lightly, and whispering that he didn’t want him to go.

 

Walking away from the bubble of happiness that was now his house was the hardest thing Castiel’s ever done, but just reminding himself that this wasn’t forever eased him as he made his way to Gabriel’s.

 

Castiel didn’t expect the fully furnished apartment on the very top floor of this expensive building with a full fledge kitchen that Castiel walked into. Castiel had expected boxes and sparse furnishing in place. Maybe his brother was more loaded than he thought.

 

Gabriel chuckled at his bewildered expression. “You look so shocked, Cassie.”

 

Castiel cleared his throat choosing to ignore the childhood nickname that Gabriel had given him. “I wasn’t expecting everything to be already furnished.”

 

Gabriel shrugged. “I’ve got the money, and I don’t mind spending it. Come now, I need to finish up the stew.”

 

Castiel shook his head following Gabriel into the sin smelling kitchen. His brother had always been a good cook. They ate in mostly silence most of the conversation coming from Castiel commenting on his brother’s cooking. Gabriel took it with a smile and nodded to them all. Castiel took a moment to study Gabriel’s features. There were dark circles beneath his golden eyes, but the gold in his eyes no longer shone like it had. It was like it had been warn down into a dull bronze. His brother didn’t look the way he remembered him. This Gabriel was dull, broken, and so very lost.

 

Castiel reached out and rested his hand onto Gabriel’s shoulder. His brother jolted and locked eyes with Castiel surprise evident in his gaze. Neither said anything just stared at one another. Castiel was saying he was here, and Gabriel was collapsing. Castiel could see his walls tearing down as tears filled his eyes, and Castiel pulled him into a tight hug. Gabriel cried silently just like he always has. “Brother where have you gone?” Castiel whispered and Gabriel shuttered against him pulling away and wiping the tears away.

 

“I never wanted to talk about it. I mean it was to difficult to even think about it. I just… I went to California…” Gabriel told him about how he went to California, what he discovered there, that Sam had moved on and planed to never talk to him. He told him how he threw himself into culinary school and how he met Kali but could never marry her because he still longed for Sam. He spoke of how after all these years he’s still held onto the picture of him and Sam during their 5th anniversary at the lake because he just couldn’t let Sam go.

 

Castiel closed his eyes in shame as he listened to his brother’s story. He wasn’t here for all of this, he’d left his brother without a word, and he’d missed this big chunk of Gabriel’s life where he’d been spiraling out of control. “I’m so sorry, Gabriel.”

 

Gabriel just shrugged picking up their bowls and headed towards the sink. “It’s the past. He said he’s doing well, has a girl and everything. All I want is for him to be happy.”

 

Castiel frowned. “And what about your happiness, Gabriel?”

 

Gabriel froze hanging his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

 

Castiel stood from his chair approaching Gabriel from behind. “Your happiness matters, Gabriel not just his.”

 

Gabriel shrugged. “If you say so, Cas.”

 

The rest of his time with Gabriel was stiff and awkward, and Castiel finally said he needed to return. He wanted to talk to Dean about what he learned and see what they should do, or if they should do anything at all.

 

Castiel wasn’t paying attention as he unlocked his front door, and slowly walked his way into the kitchen not even noticing Sam sitting at his table as he set his keys down on the counter. “Did everything go well with Gabriel?”

 

Castiel jumped grabbing his chest in surprise. “Jesus, Sam you scared me.”

 

Sam smiled half heartedly. “Sorry about that. How is he?”

 

Castiel regarded Sam for a moment catching the hesitant look on his face and maybe possible hope. “He’s not okay.” Castiel murmured. He didn’t feel like lying to Sam, nor did he really feel like making Sam feel better when Gabriel was a mess.

 

Sam’s face fell. “Did he tell you?”

 

Castiel raised an eyebrow crossing his arms. “About how he went to California? Yes, Sam. He told me about that.”

 

Sam physically winced. “I suppose you’ll want me to get out.”

 

Castiel shook his head running a hand through his hair. “No of course not, Sam. I just would like you to make it up to him.”

 

Sam hung his head. “I don’t know how.”

 

Castiel took a couple steps forward resting his hand on his shoulder. “I’d start by talking to him, Sam.”

 

Castiel left Sam then heading up the stairs following the faint sound of rock music. Castiel knocked on Dean’s door and opened it when Dean’s gruff voice came through the door telling him to come in.

 

Dean was looking through the albums and smiled when he saw Castiel. Castiel’s breath caught looking at Dean now his eyes as green as they were as a child, the lines of his face seemed to bleed away and he was young again. Dean always took his breath away, like a punch to the gut the air would leave his lungs just because this man smiled.

 

Dean put down his album confusion on his face. “Are you okay, Cas?”

 

Castiel nodded clearing his throat and reminding himself to breathe. “I’m fine, Dean. I uh, learned something from, Gabriel today.”

 

Castiel walked further into the room and collapsed onto the couch. Dean sitting down next to him. “Oh yeah? What did he say?”

 

Castiel exhaled heavily. “He told me about how he went to visit Sam out in California, and that Sam had been ignoring him. Apparently, Gabriel followed him around for a day, and called him watching Sam look at the phone and hang up. According to Gabriel Sam just cut things off, and didn’t even officially break up with him.”

 

Dean sighed rubbing his face. “Yeah, I uh, I know.”

 

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “You know? I thought you said Sam didn’t tell you much about it.”

 

Dean huffed looking at Castiel in exasperation. “I didn’t tell you cause that’s my baby brother, and that was dick move he pulled. It’s not my place to go around telling people about the screwed up things he’s pulled.”

 

Castiel crossed his arms. “You could have told me, Dean.”

 

Dean groaned and rested his hand onto Castiel’s knee his look pleading. “I know that, Cas. I just, I was afraid that if you knew that you would kick Sam out, and he doesn’t have a whole lot of options right now. His girlfriend is pissed off at him, his ex loathes him, and I’m all he’s got and I’m free loading off of you. It’s a shitty situation, and I’m just trying to look out for him, Cas.”

 

Castiel sighed dropping his arms. “From this point on you don’t lie to me, and if you know anything about anything I ask you about you tell me, understood?”

 

Dean nodded harshly. “Yes, God yes, Cas. I won’t keep anything else from you.”

 

Castiel nodded curtly and sat back. “So, are we going to help them rekindle things or just let them figure it out?”

 

Dean shrugged leaning back as well. “I mean we could just let it go, but that wouldn’t be very much like us would it?”

 

Castiel grinned. “No, it wouldn’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? Let me know in the comments below! You can reach me at tumblr here if you have any questions or concerns or just want to talk: http://lucilovessamwholovesgabriel.tumblr.com/


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